I'm so sad. All the time. I never want to get out of bed. I cry until there are no more tears. Then I just sleep. I will sleep for days, then insomnia will kick in and I will be awake for days. I don't know why I feel so sad. Nothing brings me joy. I feel so alone, I ignore my friends and family. I'm so lonely, but don't want to be around anyone.
- Stuck in Darkness
I am so sorry you are suffering so much. Depression is a disease, please know that you are sick, not weak. You need to get help. I suggest going to your doctor and telling them everything you told me. Unfortunately, there is still somewhat a stigma surrounding mental health. Not everyone will understand. People will tell you to "just brush it off", or "Cheer up, things aren't that bad". But when you are depressed, it feels like you are literally falling down a dark hole with no escape. BUT - there is an escape. You need to find the strength to take that first step and seek help.
I personally have battled depression for years, and have hit my rock bottom. I got help, and it is a continuous battle to stay healthy. Everyone has good and bad days. When the bad are outweighing the good, there is a problem.
Not only do I suggest talking to your doctor, I suggest opening up to someone you trust. A parent, a relative, a close friend - anyone. Reach out. Another great form of therapy is exercise. I know, you don't want to get out of bed how on earth would you find the motivation to actually work out. But believe me, exercise is fantastic therapy. It will release endorphins and get your heart rate up. I guarantee you will feel a little better after working out.
But first steps first - reach out for the help you need. Don't be ashamed. YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT.
xx - JennJenn